Juggling life


 Music plays softly in the background bringing a soothing quality to my day, gone are the mornings when I would be up at 5.30am readying children for school, cutting lunches which were often left uneaten, dropping the girls at school or bus stops then heading for work.  I was at that stage on an eternal search for my identity, what I was here for and seeking ways to fill myself which resulted in external stuff first.  Stuff you know what that means people,  workshops, consumables, education forever learning and finding the it was never enough.  I believe there is a time and place for the external search but if we stay there to long we become stuck in how we look, how much money we have, how much we own and lose sight of what life is all about.  I am grateful to be in the position of calling myself retired, I didn't come to this place without a struggle, breast cancer was the my assailant forcing me to let go of my stressful position of work.  I love that I no longer am at the beck and call of  work although for the past year I have been at the beck and call of my bodies need to heal.  It is another experience to go through, surrendering to the medical profession and learning to trust that their knowledge is part of my healing journey process. The combination of my inner beliefs and medical intervention wasnt going to be easy but as I opened up to friends and family I found a way through this difficult time.  I give thanks to all who helped carry me through I really couldn't have done it without you taking me backwards and forwards to the hospital, taking my blood, being patient with me as I swore when my veins protested at more intrusions, sitting beside me as I cried at the shock of finding a lump in my breast, constant phone calls and emails checking on me, you are all earth angels in my eyes and I give thanks daily for you all.

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